hiatus.

In June, I went to California to hang out with my friend Dave, and basically model myself into a state of exhaustion.

I drove to California with my mother and grandmother, and never booked a return flight because I knew something big was going to happen. I just didn't know how big. (Side note: I drove, left my car in California with my aunt because she needed a vehicle, and flew back).

***

The first photographer I worked with, Mike Walker, was incredible! We drove to Joshua Tree, and I shot outdoor nudes for the first time in my life. I was supposed to shoot nature nudes with a man named Peter in November, but a few things prevented this from happening. Anyway, Mike Walker:





Before shooting with Mike, I had posed predominantly for average photographers against a white backdrop in a studio, without ever changing perspective or lighting. A lot of the time, these same photographers would ask me (once already there) to do clothed shoots, shoots in the underwear I brought to go home in, or to shoot with some silly prop. Working with Mike was a wonderful experience because he chose to work with me for who and what I am. Nude, generally hairy, and not at all interested in glamour modeling. I really felt like I had helped create something beautiful every time I posed.

I also worked with:

Oscar



Damon


and Colin Talcroft (to name a few)



Each and every person I worked with had more creative energy than everyone else I'd worked with in the past two years combined. After every shoot I felt like things just couldn't get any more awesome, but they did. Most everybody used film, so I got to really get into my poses and become attached to what I was doing. Every move was calculated, right down to the space between my fingers, and every strand of hair. With every photographer, I could feel a real passion for the creative process. A passion for photography.

Not all of these individuals were inspirational merely as photographers, but as human beings in general.

Colin, for example, made me feel as if I didn't really want to work for anyone else afterward. I felt so at ease, and so in my element that I could have stayed all day, the whole week, or month helping him realize his ideas. After working with him, and others, I really started to feel as if working with anyone else would be a chore.

I got several offers all over California while I was there, and all I could think was, if I drive all six, seven, or eight hours to the opposite side of the state, and my experience isn't as wonderful as with these people...what then?

So, I stopped booking, and started sleeping more.

Not only did I start sleeping more, but I also began thinking more. I felt as if I truly could not get any more creative satisfaction out of anyone else on the planet, and needed to find it for myself. Within myself.

I decided to paint. I LOVE to paint, but generally get nervous around skilled artists, like Dave. Because of my state of mind, however, I just really needed to release tension through art. We pulled out paper, paint, and brushes, and I proceeded to paint my very first face. Before that day, I had only done splatter paintings, and similar styles-which can be seen at the now defunct www.artbyshandra.com- but Dave encouraged me to paint this:


Under his direction, I ended up painting in more details than I would have naturally, so I then did two without his input and they turned out like this (The first one is Dave again, and the second one is my friend Billy, from memory):




I also painted a few splatter pieces that I was quite proud of, but they didn't make it back with me (long story). Anyway, feeling pretty confident, I decided to try out my new camera. My mom bought me a Nikon D50 as a gift, and I had only used it on auto, and only had it for about three weeks. I had never read the manual, and hadn't a clue how to do anything but point and shoot...so I asked Dave how cameras work (he's a photographer).

It took me a day or two, but he finally said something without using numbers that made sense. He said something along the lines of "shutter speed=length of time exposed to light, aperture=amount of light".

That night (I think, it's been a while.), I took these:



I also took a lot of images while at the Gay Pride parade, and left California very excited to start playing around with photography.

I also left less excited to be involved on the other side of the camera. I may have had a creative burnout. Things went so well, that I fear they may just plateau for the rest of my life.

This brings me to the title of this entry; I think I need to take a break.

My hiatus begins on October 1st. In the meantime, I will be posing for Boston University, but not in front of a camera.

More on this when my hands stop cramping.

Stay tuned...